Today’s thoughts meandering as usual
I tried to go to church this morning.
This is my usual routine, as I’m sure my friends know.
i’ve been doing it for years.
Dressed in my usual clothes, I saw the usual faces, but something alarmed me. They used to talk with me when we sit together, but why the cold shoulder now? Is there something plastered on my forehead that said UNWANTED and UNEMPLOYED? And what is that sermon about giving help to the needy? Why are all eyes on me? Do I look miserable? I do not need your grief. I am wallowing in mine, thank you.
It’s just unnerving when people start sizing you up by the position you hold in the community. I was a nobody. Well, a scarlet perhaps, since I have been more than one husband for the last 30 years. But what I cannot understand is should people have a say in your own life?
Nothing has changed. I look the same and well, smell the same. That thought stayed in my mind as I walked home. When was the last time I looked at myself in front of the mirror? I was shocked when I looked. Either I could pass for a family member of the Addams Family or I could be one of the characters in the Nightmare before Christmas movie.
I heard that stress in the workplace can be a little bearable compared to the stress you get when there is no more place to work at. It seemed I had no nice thing to share to the world – just a whole lot of what-ifs, frustration, and brewing guilt.
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